30 October 2006

Signs in Dahlgren Hall, Ridiculous to the N*th Degree

Dahlgren Hall-

What once began as inane but excusable signs hanging in Dahlgren have become the subject of endless criticism in the cool, sarcastic circles of Bancroft Hall. Nobody seems to know who crafts these blue and gold textual masterpieces, and so the Navy Fork went to seek out the writers in order to obtain an explanation. Their search led to a secret weight room located in the basement of Ricketts Hall, where reporters found, amongst other things: Steroids for veterinary use, CD's by a little known band called "Primal Wolf Anger", and a half-eaten gazelle.

The inhabitant had apparently fleed when we came into the lair, but in his hurry had strewn slips of paper across the floor with rough handwriting on them. Some of the most recent included the now infamous slogans, "You have to play football like someone just hit your mother with a two by four," and "We don't care how big or tough any team is as long as they are HUMAN." For the spirit of the Brigade, the Navy Fork collected several of those slips and presented them to the Spirit Committee for review. The Navy Fork has unveiled these candidates for the next banner.

1. Hit hard, hit fast, hit your grandparents!!! - An Adaptation from a factually inaccurate quote.
2. Chop block like you're Mr. Miyagi!!!
3. Beat their groins, beat their heads, beat their future children dead!!!
4. Raga ra naka laka blarrr!!!



Print this out if your head gouge sucks.


26 October 2006

Supe Spotted Planting Clovers in Garden

In keeping with a recent rash of senility-inspired events, Superintendent Rodney “Leprechaun lover” Rempt forced yet another spirit fiasco on the Brigade this week. The Supe's mandate that the Brigade sing/ awkwardly hum the Notre Dame fight song at every major meeting of the Brigade has elicited a variety of responses. While a select few, like 3/C Tommy O’Halloran and 2/C Seamus O’Malley, have enjoyed this week's festivities, others aren’t so pleased. 1/C Linebacker and 2/C Defensive End have taken to the halls this week armed with ear plugs and brass knuckles and were overheard threatening to “wake up the echoes” with the pain-filled screams of plebes.

Commencing each chow call this week with the treasonous Irish victory march, these noise-boxes we call freshmen have led to a drop in Brigade spirit and a rise in drinking, smoking, fighting, and no-action-getting. When asked to comment on the singing of the Notre Dame Victory March as well as the lesser known anthems, "Navy Sucks" and "This Song Has No Actual Lyrics", the Supe responded with a hearty “Um… whoa, hey! Where's my pants! And how bout them Scarlet Knights?”



A guest article produced for the Navy Fork.
Want to contribute? Send a sample piece to midnxyz@hotmail.com

17 October 2006

An Interview with Sean Genis

We recently took the time to sit down with Second Regimental Commander Sean Genis to talk about some of his recent "controversial" moves.

NF: So dickhead, what's this I hear about you giving everybody exactly one week to get everything in regulation before you start frying people?
SG: Well, it's quite simple. If your company doesn't have everything up to..
NF: Shut the fuck up.
SG: What?
Navy Fork staffer slaps Midshipman Genis
NF: I said shut the fuck up.
SG: Oh my god, I'm bleeding.
NF: Shut your mouth and answer my questions. Who do you think you are?
SG: I'm Sean Genis.. I'm a midshipman commander.
NF: What did you say?
SG: Midshipman commander?
Sean Genis slapped again

NF: What kind of underwear are you wearing?
SG: Gap boxers?
NF: Let me see them.
SG: No! What the hell is this?
NF: Fine, I don't even really want to see them. Do you like horses?
SG: I guess so.
NF: Me too. Anyway, so everyone thinks you're on a power trip and I was sent here to straighten you out.
SG: But I'm a midshipman commander. I drive a Dodge Stratus..
NF: Look Sean, I'm gonna be real real with you. I am about this close to raping you, and if you don't stop threatening to fry people, I AM GOING TO ENTER YOU.
SG: You're sick. And possibly homosexual.
NF: I wear Jockeys.
SG: Huh?
Navy Fork staffer slaps Sean againa and rips out part of his scalp.
SG: Holy shit! aahhhrrgghh! Sweet Oscar Mayer weiner that hurts!
NF: Don't tell anybody about our little meeting here. And stop frying people or somebody gonna get a hurt real bad...somebody. I'm not gonna say who, but somebody.
SG: Owwwwwww



-No Joes were hurt in the making of this interview. Actually, that's a bald faced lie. Gotcha bitches!