Submarine Officer Weirds Out Company

Annapolis, MD-

Midshipman 2/C Arbel loves to sleep, and he usually sleeps like a proverbial baby, but on one afternoon in October, 2/C Arbel was abruptly woken from his slumber by what he called "This creepy-ass feeling I was being watched." He reports, "I was dreaming about being in this cave with the Corona girls, petting lizards and eating candy corn, when I heard someone breathing really close to me." Midshipman Arbel woke to find LT. Akalward peeling off 2/C Arbel's socks. The lieutenant explained "Your room was unbearably warm. So warm... and you should be comfortable in your own abode."

The rest of 31st company has not been immune to the submarine lieutenant's peculiars. As a matter of personal comfort, he has boarded over his windows, dropped the temperature to a cool 65 degrees fahrenheit, and rumor has it that he keeps a small nuclear reactor in his closet. Melwood employee Ringo Ballston recalls, "I went into his office one time, just snoopin' and poopin' and I saw that his closet had some water coming out from under the door. I lapped up a little bit of it because I was curious, and I've been epileptic ever since."