Pep Rally Bonfire Out of Control, Entered into Conduct System

Farragut Field, Annapolis-

After a particularly rowdy pep rally last night, the Naval Academy Bonfire was entered into the conduct system for a host of conduct offenses including: Discrediting Personal Conduct, Destructive Behavior, Fleeing/Avoiding the Police, Destruction of Government Property, Causing a fire on government property, and Improper Shave. Ultimately, the fire was awarded punishment for a 23000 level offense, but failed to show this morning for adjudication.

The accuser was none other than 1/C Sean Genis, who in the midst of an extremely busy schedule, found time to fry the fire. In an interview last night, Genis stated "This bonfire was clearly not upholding the high standards of the Naval Academy. By the way I'm a very single Rhodes Scholar that rides a bicycle very well. Anyway, that fire was just out of control and. And Brittaniiiaaaaaaaaaaaa!"

Submarine Officer Weirds Out Company

Annapolis, MD-

Midshipman 2/C Arbel loves to sleep, and he usually sleeps like a proverbial baby, but on one afternoon in October, 2/C Arbel was abruptly woken from his slumber by what he called "This creepy-ass feeling I was being watched." He reports, "I was dreaming about being in this cave with the Corona girls, petting lizards and eating candy corn, when I heard someone breathing really close to me." Midshipman Arbel woke to find LT. Akalward peeling off 2/C Arbel's socks. The lieutenant explained "Your room was unbearably warm. So warm... and you should be comfortable in your own abode."

The rest of 31st company has not been immune to the submarine lieutenant's peculiars. As a matter of personal comfort, he has boarded over his windows, dropped the temperature to a cool 65 degrees fahrenheit, and rumor has it that he keeps a small nuclear reactor in his closet. Melwood employee Ringo Ballston recalls, "I went into his office one time, just snoopin' and poopin' and I saw that his closet had some water coming out from under the door. I lapped up a little bit of it because I was curious, and I've been epileptic ever since."