Brigade Medical Announces Bird Flu Strategy

6th Wing Medical-

In response to growing concerns about the possibility of an avian flu pandemic, the Brigade Medical Department revealed its plan for controlling an outbreak. "We're very sinceriously concerned about the health of the brigade. After all, excellence is our standard," said one spokesman.

H5N1, a particularly dangerous strain of the bird flu, is a major concern for the U.S. government, which plans to spend 7.1 billion dollars in preparation for the flu. From 1918-19, one such flu killed over 20 million people throughout the world. One particulary concerned midshipman stated, "This flu is no joke. I've beefed up my vitamin intake and sworn off eating wild goose all together."

Brigade Medical has recommended the following precautionary measures to all midshipmen. The staff rates this procedure as .99% effective.

How to Deal with the Bird Flu:
1. Obtain cough syrup and foot powder from the pharmacy in 6th wing.
2. Measure out 2 oz. foot powder and 2 teaspoons of cough syrup.
3. Mix together to form poultice.
4. Apply generously to throat/neck area.
5. Contract bird flu.