Brenda Now Category 5 Angry Black Woman

7th Wing Basement-

Midshipmen in the Post office area of Bancroft Hall took cover today when Brenda took a turn for the worse. 3/C Fillipio- "Brenda ruined my life." Brenda started off as a Category 4 and has long remained a constant threat to midshipmen safety. Today, however, unfavorable conditions in the 7th wing area led to what experts call, "Possibly the angriest black woman we've ever seen in this area."

Around 3p.m. eastern time, an unidentified midshipman went to request a replacement key for his mailbox. He did not survive. By 3:30p.m. Brenda had wreaked total havic in the area, burning mail and tossing midshipmen againt walls like pieces of salami. "I've never seen so much blood. Just body parts and guts everywhere.. Oh lord, I can't talk about this anymore," said one distraught worker. One survivor told the Navy Fork that Brenda actually swallowed a midshipman whole.

All in the vicinity are strongly advised to evacuate immediately, as Brenda may flare up again, given the appropriate conditions. You may help the relief effort by pressing the "Support the Navy Fork" icon to the right. Any contribution will be much appreciated.