Excitement About Annapolis At Fever Pitch

Annapolis, MD-

Midshipmen and their families have been standing in line this past week for tickets to the most anticipated movie of their lives. Annapolis the movie comes to theaters nationwide on Friday, January 27 and the brigade of midshipmen cannot hold back its excitement.

Brian Seltzer of Salem, Oregon bought tickets 2 years ago in anticipation of the movie's release. "I've wanted to go to the Naval Academy since I was 5. When I saw the very first press release, I said to myself, 'You're gonna love this movie.'" Ironically, Brian was denied admission to the Naval Academy and now works at Six Flags Great Adventures.

The midshipmen lucky enough to attend the Naval Academy at the time of Annapolis' release plan to take advantage of their newfound publicity. The following is a brief interview with 1/C Jason James.

NF: What do you expect from this movie?
JJ: You mean what do I expect after the movie?
NF: Whichever you think you'll find more interesting.
JJ: Well, as soon as I walk out of that theater, I'm gonna have a huge plate of coochie coo.
NF: Coochie coo? That sounds like some kind of food. Is that an appetizer, entree, or dessert?
JJ: It can be all three if you have enough of it, if you know what I mean.
NF: I have no idea what you mean.
JJ: It's.. you know..
NF: Oh, you're terrible. You're filthier than a ten-year-old bedpan. You're, you're...
JJ: I'm a male mid? You're right.

The Navy Fork interviewed 2/C Dupri of Sacramento, CA. "I have one word for this movie: Juicy. Tyrese AND James Franco? All that manmeat posing on screen may just be too much. Somebody get me a bottle of sunscreen and an icepack because this is gonna be hotttt." The Navy Fork concurs in a completely un-homosexual way. In fact, the staff of the Navy Fork cannot wait to see Jordana Brewster in khakis. Does Touchstone pictures do nudity?

New Alpha Chit To Include Cavity Search

Annapolis, MD-

Brigade Staff has revealed a new measure to increase the wellness and hygiene of the brigade. Cavity searches and other sanitation-enhancing practices have been added to the new, improved alpha chit to encourage midshipmen to keep their rooms at levels becoming of officers. 1/C Snyder, who is in charge of implementing the changes said this, "Midshipmen are future officers, and officers keep their stuff clean. So everything in your room better be clean... even your anus."

Several other changes have been on the alpha chits to accomodate the new requirements. For example, required items pre-alpha now include: A pen, alpha chit, black sock, white glove, and latex glove. Failure on the cavity search will constitute a failure on the alpha inspection. 1/C inspectors paired with senior enlisted will be in charge of the inspections, which begin tonight.

The midshipmen store has reacted to the changes by stockpiling massive quantities of alpha inspection supplies. This week, midshipmen flocked to the store to buy mops, ammonia, wax, latex gloves, windex, and vaseline. One female midshipman waiting in line stated, "I just hope I get a girl inspector because otherwise it'd be really really awkward and probably illegal."

Brutally Honest Plebe Gets 60 Days, 100 Demerits

Annapolis, MD-

4/C Tart stood before an adjudication board today at the conclusion of his drawn-out trial. The board sentenced the midshipman to a total of 60 days restriction (without bail). 4/C Tart first made news when he revealed too much about himself in an autobiography requested by his squad leader.

In the autobiography, he revealed his political affiliation with the Democrats and his fondness for "Breakfast at Tiffany's" as well as a history of wearing pink shirts. His squad leader was convinced to press charges against the plebe when he read the last paragraph of the autobiography. 4/C Tart wrote, "Why is everybody always asking me why I'm here? The real question is, 'Why does the Navy want me here?' And that's easy! It isn't going to suck itself."

Many have rallied around 4/C Tart, calling for his release and decrying the system's censure of his work. Amnesty International has begun a letter-writing campaign and protesters have crowded the Academy gates, wearing tape over their mouths. More to come from the Navy Fork.

Quiz: What's Your Naval Academy Style?

It's been almost a month since the last post and the Navy Fork would like to warmly welcome you back to the blessed United States Naval Academy. Sit back and relax as you're reinstituted into the school of suck.

Tie on that discotheque hairband and start flossing. It's time to find out:
What's your Naval Academy style?

1. Before walking out into the hall, you...
a. Tuck your bluerim, hike up your shorts and show off your unsightly bulge. (1pt)
b. Tuck your faded bluerim in, but keep the shorts low enough to keep the tiger in the cage. (2pts)
c. Toss on a beater and a pair of boots just in case you need to kick some ass. (3pts)
d. Have some sex, smoke a blunt, and clean your grill. (4pts)

2. You're about to go on liberty and you look like...
a. An airline pilot. (1pt)
b. A mess. (2pts)
c. Abercrombie, or Fitch. Pick your poison.(3pts)
d. You have a .45 under that fur-lined parka. (4pts)

3. The front of your ballcap says...
a. GO NAVY, I'M RETARDED. (1pt)
b. I Love Ashton Kutcher. (2pts)
c. Corona. (3pts)
d. Can't tell, it's all black and it's fitted. (4pts)

4. What does Haute Couture mean to you?
a. Brooks Brothers SDB's. (1pt)
b. French? (2pts)
c. Not sure, but girls look really good in it. (3pts)
d. I'll let you know as soon as you give me your wallet. (4pts)

5. Who's your favorite clothing designer?
a. Flying Cross clothing company. (1pt)
b. The geniuses behind Hot Topic. (2pts)
c. Aeropostale=American Eagle=Abercrombie & Fitch=Hollister. (3pts)
d. G-G-G-G-UNIT. (4pts)





The Straight-shot:
(5-8pts) Shipmate, welcome aboard the U.S.S. Joe. Don't worry, there's lots of people here, like the entire plebe class.
(9-12pts) Ouch, it hurts to look like that. Watch some TV now and then and get some culture.
(13-16pts) Chip off the old block. Enjoy being part of the herd.
(17-20pts) Frankly, you're kinda scary. We wish you would just go back to jail and leave us alone.