Breaking News: School Sucks Ass
Annapolis, MD.-
Independent agencies have verified that school does, in fact, suck ass. News broke shortly after 0630 this morning when midshipmen woke to the horrific sounds of reveille. Midshipman 1/C Moorhead, still enjoying the effects of 86 shots of Southern Comfort, spoke to the Navy Fork- "Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm yeeeeeaahhhh I love sexxxxxx."
Midshipmen have long suspected that classes have a negative effect on morale. However, the cold and the departure of many midshipmen for Operation Information have exponentially increased what people call the "Educatus Anilingus Factor." 3/C Bitterman , more depressing than ever, commented, "With my luck, I'll contract Bird Flu on Wednesday afternoon and I won't be able to leave. I just know it. Now if you'll excuse me, my wrist has an appointment with my issued Gillette razor."
Along with the spike in the Educatus Anilingus factor, masturbation and self-asphyxiation have reached all-time highs. Masturbation combined with self-asphyxiation, or the practice of choking oneself, can be extremely dangerous and weird, especially while thinking about anilingus. On a positive note, Brigade Staff expects that the "EA Factor" will drop significantly around 1:45pm on Wednesday, when the Brigade departs for Thanksgiving leave.
Independent agencies have verified that school does, in fact, suck ass. News broke shortly after 0630 this morning when midshipmen woke to the horrific sounds of reveille. Midshipman 1/C Moorhead, still enjoying the effects of 86 shots of Southern Comfort, spoke to the Navy Fork- "Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm yeeeeeaahhhh I love sexxxxxx."
Midshipmen have long suspected that classes have a negative effect on morale. However, the cold and the departure of many midshipmen for Operation Information have exponentially increased what people call the "Educatus Anilingus Factor." 3/C Bitterman , more depressing than ever, commented, "With my luck, I'll contract Bird Flu on Wednesday afternoon and I won't be able to leave. I just know it. Now if you'll excuse me, my wrist has an appointment with my issued Gillette razor."
Along with the spike in the Educatus Anilingus factor, masturbation and self-asphyxiation have reached all-time highs. Masturbation combined with self-asphyxiation, or the practice of choking oneself, can be extremely dangerous and weird, especially while thinking about anilingus. On a positive note, Brigade Staff expects that the "EA Factor" will drop significantly around 1:45pm on Wednesday, when the Brigade departs for Thanksgiving leave.
posted by ditdahdahdit at 07:16
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